Thursday, January 05, 2012

A Message

If I'm being honest, I tend to get into bouts of depression at times. And I will question, "Why me?".

On my weaker days, I will feel absolutely miserable and will want to just pull the blankets over my head and not wake up until everything is alright again.
On my stronger days, I will tell myself that it happened to me because God knows that I can handle it.
By hook or by crook.
And that He has a glorious plan for me, only I just have to be patient.

I'm doing my best. Sometimes, my best ain't enough. But that's when I pick myself up (sometimes, immediately. Othertimes, a few days or weeks later) and will push through it again.

Why?

Because I don't have a choice. Because there are others out there who have worse fates than me and have managed to pull through with grace and humility and dignity. 
And also, I'll be damned to give them a chance to see me suffer more that I already have. 

So, there will be times when I won't be myself. There will be times where I'll seem upset, bitter, resentful, miserable.

Because I am.
But I will bounce back.
Eventually.

And there will be a day when all of this will be completely behind me and I will thank the bastard for running out on me because it brought me to a better place.

So I apologize to my nearest and dearest if there's a time (or many times, more like) where I strike out. Or seem distant. I don't mean to.
I'm just trying to survive right now.

7 comments:

katieskitchenblog.com said...

When I was seriously down the worst thing a loved one would say to me was "talk to someone". It was the right thing to do though, you don't need to pull through it all alone.

Enjoy the small things, don't worry about the bigger picture, about where you are going or what you "should" be doing. Create things for yourself to look forward to. Make them a priority. Look after yourself first.

bagfashionista said...

Thank you, Katie. Trying to take it one day at a time. There are good days and there are bad. For those bad days, if i get even a small thing done, i'll mark it as an accomplishment!

Thank you truly for your comment. It helped make me feel better.

Angie Li Yuet Jia said...

Stephanie, angie here from primary school days :))))
Absolutely feel u in ur last blog, there r times when I'm so low in the dumps I feel so anti social and emo n bitter n nobody understands me except for those friends whom have gone thru this phase. Hugs from good ol England....

bagfashionista said...

thank you, angie!

it's been a long time!

Chocolate, Cookies & Candies said...

((hugs)) It's tough when things are stacked against you and you have a little one who depends on you for everything. You will come out of this stronger and wiser than before. My comment is 3 weeks late but I hope you're feeling a little better.

Natalie, Sook Ling said...

you are never alone, really.you are both in our hearts and our thoughts. you are certainly in the Lord's heart.He knows your pain and He will carry you through it all.Only seek Him with all of your heart, and rest in His love. Trust Him and lean not on your own understanding and He will direct your path.

This song is for you steph...He will carry you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9JEsJJYjyI&feature=related

love, yee chai

Me said...

*Hugz* and a million more *hugz* for u to keep and use when necessary. Greater things will come, Steph.. u'll see..