Friday, June 17, 2011

One Year Ago...

My marriage went down the path of no return. Actually, I missed the official date - it was June 5th, I believe.

Even without the realization of the date, it was a long, hard week last week on the personal side. And I'd honestly prefer to focus on the good things.

Things that make me happy and sometimes, makes me jump like a lunatic:

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First and foremost is always going to be my baby girl. She is the light of my life, the pain in my neck, my purple sunshine. She's the most intuitive, curious, challenging, loveable, whiny, independent little being and I love her.

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I love my sewing. Because it calms me, gives me focus, allows me to put my energy towards something that a lot more beautiful than disappointment and sadness.

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Doing "frou-frou" decorating nonsense in the house (quoted directly from my lovely soon-to-be-ex partner in life) because it makes a place home

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Reading - always and forever. It allows the space to dream and to imagine and to escape. It gives motivation, knowledge and curiously, hope.

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Things that I want to do:

Travel to Paris, and sit at those little cafés, nursing a hot steaming cup of café au lait, and a chocolate croissant (and eyeing those impeccably dressed French ladies and those cute Parisian guys). Oh, and shopping, of course. Girls...??!!!

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Go skydiving

Run in a marathon/race

Go on an Alaskan cruise. That was suppose to have been my honeymoon.

Take 2 weeks off and do nothing but lay on a beach in the tropics all day (this is SO going to be my honeymoon goal, if I ever meet someone else)

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Have a garden that's full of fresh vegetables and herbs. I'm limited to potted basil for right now, since I don't like trudging out to my crap yard.

Do more charity work - especially those involving children

Be more spontaneous. Explore. Do new things. Strike up conversations with people I don't know.

The funny outcome about this whole drama is that I am somewhat more comfortable talking and opening up to others now. I've never been much of a social extrovert, always much prefering to keep myself to myself. I've always enjoyed/accepted my own company and have the tendency to stick to lone activities. It's lonely most times (but much, much safer). But I'm branching out more. Because life is short. And I've had the great opportunity to be within a great team of colleagues - they have been crucial for my past year's survival, without which I would definitely be less optimistic than I am now.

 Although I'm unfortunately leaving them, back to a group of people that's either much much younger, or older than I am. Perhaps God has a plan. And He thinks that I am now ready to move on to the next chapter of my life, by myself. Who knows. That's the sole way of thinking that helps keep me going.

I apologize that this post is all over the place -- it's slightly challenging for me to try and keep it upbeat, but also not to make light of the devastation of what had happened. Because it truly was a horrible chapter in my life. And the way that it happened was, and still is, very disappointing. And I'm still quite disappointed by how few people from the other side who have outright stood up for me (I think the count is perhaps 2? That may even be overestimating the number)

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I have somewhat of a strong personality when it comes to certain things. I don't believe in sweeping things under the rug because I'm afraid of rocking the boat. Not because I want to make people uncomfortable, but because to me, there are things that are ultimately, very black and white. And I like to think that I'm a confident enough person to stand up for what I believe is right, and my mistake is that sometimes, I assume that others are the same way. Hence the road to disappointment.

But that's ok. Because it is what it is. And life goes on. That's the beauty of it, I suppose.

2 comments:

Vee Ann said...

We go we go we go we go to Paris!

I will even go.....SHOPPING. >.<

*squeeze tightly*

Nellie Wellie said...

We miss you Che Che Stephanie! :)